Sunday, March 29, 2015

This life gets harder!

I am feeling like shit lately! My depression seems to be resistant to treatment and my anxiety hits me out of nowhere. My fibromyalgia is really getting to me and I either cannot find anyone who accepts my insurance, treats fibro patients, or will see me if I don't qualify for injections. What kind of shit is that! Sorry, I am not feeling my nice self lately.

My neck, shoulder, and lower back have been really hurting and I even had a severe endo flare this month that felt like I was about to give birth to an unknown child! I have been in bed more than out and I hate it. It almost takes an act of The Heavenly Father to get me out of the house. Doing my YouTube videos makes me happy, so I try to keep up with that.

The Social Security determination process is adding to the stress. You have to fill out all these forms and call them for phone interviews, in hopes that at the end of the mess, they don't tell you no. Another factor! Not being able to pay bills because I'm not working...another factor. All this crap adds up to more pain and more depression, oh and much more anxiety! Who knows how to get through this without jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge??? Not that I can because I live in the Mid-Atlantic States! I'm just saying, I'm about to fracture into several different people. One for each situation that I have to deal with. One for each stressor!

Nothing seems to be getting better. The good thing is I don't want to kill myself, thought I still feel like I don't want to be here sometimes. Will be making a call to my therapist because we need to talk.