More than a thousand words...

Pictures have a way of speaking volumes. These pictures show that our illnesses are not always invisible.

Picture 1 shows me on a good day. I was able to put on makeup, got to work and be productive. I even wore a bold lip color that day because I was feeling it. 

 

Picture 2 shows a tired, painful me, who hasn't been to work in about three weeks. To me, I look weak at the eyes and just tired. Check it out...NO MAKEUP! That is an important distinction to make for me because I love my makeup. It's a creative outlet. And this day, I'm not feeling it. And don't miss the fact that I have my heating pad on my shoulders.

Seriously??? You're going to treat me like that?!

I know. I'm quite inconsistent with this blog thing. But what had happened was...

I have been going back and forth with Endometriosis pain and had settled my mind that this is what I has going to have to deal with. No biggie, some days are just going to be days of incapacitation. I got this! Until i realized that I have been feeling very achy and my migraines had started again after a five year hiatus. But hell, being achy was something that for as long as I can remember, I have been experiencing, Well, the headaches and body pain, not to mention crushing fatigue after running normal errand began to take over my life. I couldn't even go to my fave store... Target! If I did, I would have hell to pay and my bed would be my friend for a few days.

I was depressed and a new symptom popped up; anxiety! I felt like a basket case. So off to the Internet I went, looking up my symptoms. What I came up with? Fibromyalgia. At the time, I was under the care of an HMO, who would brush me off and say shit like "well, you're getting older" "You should use a little weight and exercise" What they didn't seem to understand was that I, as a 43 yer old, should not feel twice my age when getting out of bed in the morning and I damn sure shouldn't have searing pain when my feet hit the floor. That is not normal aging! Screw y'all!

In January, I changed my insurance to a PPO and met a wonderful doc who off the bat agreed with me and said it sounded like I was describing Fibro. She did labs for Lyme and b12. My tests came back normal, so the doc went over the tender points test with me. Voila! A Fibromyalgia diagnosis. I felt so relieved! I felt vindicated because I knew I wasn't wrong and this was definitely not normal aging. I was started on Duloxetine by my psych nurse practitioner, and my primary doctor agreed with that. I was also having spasms at my right shoulder and neck, so my doctor did prescribe Tramadol.

I am still having pain. Some days are better than others. Today, not so much. I have the heating pad around my shoulders as we speak and I have taken my Tramadol. This is gonna be an uphill climb. But I have no choice but to strap on my hiking shoes.

Terrified!

Have you ever had symptoms that you didn't want to tell your doctor? I'm scared today. This may be a little TMI, but the bleeding is increasing. I have large clots and went to use the bathroom and the inside of the toilet was covered with splashes of blood. I've never seen that before! I am also getting this weird sensation when I stand up of this tired, weak feeling in my hips and down my legs.

The reasons I don't wanna tell my doctor is 1). He'll push the hysterectomy. I'm still not sure about that. 2). What can he really do about it? I always get the same response when I tell him things...when are we gonna have this surgery? 3). I feel like I'm whining. Others have much worse symptoms that I do. I can get through this.

I'm still scared. I will not let this go for too long though. If I have to, I will call my GYN.

When does it end?

Well today, the bleeding is picking up again. With clots!! I haven't seen a day without bleeding since September 27. I knew this cramping was because of something coming. Damn Depo Provera. I am sooo sick of this. I would like to have some time where I don't have to wear a freaking sanitary product. I would like a day, hell even a half day, with no pain. This isn't fair!!! I don't care what anybody thinks, I feel like having a kicking and screaming tantrum. Except I'm too freaking tired to do it :(. Nobody could possibly understand the drama, trauma, or distress this disease causes, unless the share the diagnosis.

Just felt like venting.

Endo Awareness Apparel

I have begun building a shop for endometriosis/invisible illness awareness. At this point, the shop will sell apparel only. I just couldn't find exactly what I was looking for when looking on the web for endometriosis awareness products. Check out my shop. It's just opened, so look forward to more products in the very near future. I'm not in it to make money, I have a full time job. I just think more people should know about this horrible disease and the fact that there are illnesses that don't change our appearance, yet are just as real and just as debilitating.

http://sugarsdesigns.spreadshirt.com/ 

Beauty Ritual Time!

What I find makes me feel better is taking time for myself. I like to have a beauty ritual day. This time, mine started on yesterday, Friday. It's usually on the weekend, when I have the most free time. But, I started yesterday with an at home manicure. I mean, I did my own, at home gel manicure! It came out pretty. Today will be relaxing and deep conditioning my hair, a facial, and, if I have enough energy, a pedicure.

I realized that if I take time to make myself feel pretty, it goes a long way to making me feel better. Yeah, sometimes it takes more than a beauty ritual weekend. But at those times when exhaustion and depression are my main issues, this is the magic bullet!

So, that's the prescription for this weekend and it's something I'm looking forward to.

Plain and simple...

I am tired! I was able to run a couple of errands and get a homework assignment done. Then, I fizzled out. I was feeling really good today and that excited me because it's my birthday. I am thankful for the few hours of  limited pain and increased energy. Now, my son wants to take me out to a birthday dinner and I'm tired! I don't have the heart to tell him no. So, now I have to muster up some extra energy from some place and go out this evening. Maybe he'll agree to go to a restaurant close by so I won't have to drive so far. : (